baby rejecting mom after going back to work

What should I do Please help. this time we were alone in the room. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. She adores me but her daddy not so much. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and she used to be very affectionate. Goodness! i work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I nursed him up until a month ago. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! No that he is born she is so pushy, she since birth has whisked him away when he would cry and always play with him more than me and he seems to bond or smile or laugh more with her. Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. and youre doing the right thing. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? Consider co-sleeping, where your daughter sleeps between the two of you. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. Quick message to Laura- But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. Feed your milk to your baby. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. She wants to go to ANYONE (atleast any relative that shes familiar with) instead of me; her dad most importantly. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. please help me ,because i feel that my son hates me and that destroy me . i also wrote here several months ago. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. But early nappers are often cranky during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that you arrive home from work. When I go to pick her up from day care, she wont even respond when she sees me. this is not your fault. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. Take days of vacation or maternal leave, ask your mom to bring your daughter to your work for lunch, work from home, let go of as many of your chords as you can or do them together with your daughter, co-sleep with her, talk to her, bathe with her, sing to her. I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Understand your employer's leave policy, if you qualify for FMLA, and if any state or local laws impact parental leave. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. I know a significant factor in my issues with my son was my inability to bond because of my terrible adjustment to being a mother/post partum depression. I still want my mommy on bad days. Please someone help me with this I dont want to hate my mom but more than anything I dont want my son to bond better to her. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. He fights me on everything. I think its because Im with her a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom she can get. Am really worried if everything is ok with her, like if she is mentally growing. this is just a phase. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Instead of turning your relationship into a power struggle, (trying to make him say mommy, for example), be proud of how much you have helped him to grow already! Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. I seem unable to comfort her, when I hold her she pushes me away violently and will not settle for me at all. His Aunt told me its just a novelty for him. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . But it seems she does. I was worried then that since she dealt with so many different nurses who were women, she wouldnt have a clue who I was. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) But 3 weeks ago I got hospitalized. Daddy is a play toy and thinks he comes and goes and is fun, but deep down I know she loves me and cant live without me. And that is actually the key to your bonding. help please!!! I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. And hug your wife. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. I have a 1yr-old son and he just started this him not wanting me always want the other family member that is around. She just says well what can i do/say. Seventy-five percent of the women Brody surveyed said they wished they had been able to take a longer maternity leave. Im a married mom with a 14 month old son who is obsessed with his dad and treats me like garbage a lot of the time. she would prefer me if she is with me and strangers but at home I am no where in her priority list. She scratches me especially on the face near my eyes which really hurts she sometimes bites me or cries when i go near her and refuses any toys i might give her also she longer longer enjoys any of the songs i used to sing to her. Such a silly situation. 7) Be patient with yourselfat home and at work. Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? Hi all. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. This can of course be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is used to be the preferred one. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. it is so helpful to hear from others who are in similar boats. Frankly, Im glad Im not the only one in the world who is going through this. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. Congratulations on your little daughter. I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. Its been in the past few weeks that I have noticed that my almost year old son basically forgets that Im here when my husband or my mother walks in the door. Do it now. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. she cries for grand mother . For the mom with low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed. So the legal battles began, the mother finally got a job after 2 years (shes 37) and he was finally able to reduce the child support from $1600 a month to $800 since the mother should have been able to pay for her personal expenses. Here's what we tried, and what finally worked! Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. Being just 1 month old (you can read about the milestones of a 1 month old baby here), your daughter doesnt think anyone is her mom she is just reacting to what feels the most secure. Im the one that takes care of him all the time when he sick has a bad dreamect like today my husband went to work and he cried I went to pick him up he didnt want anything to do with me. My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! A boy and a girl. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. Try movement like rocking 4. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. Now a days she refuses my breast feeding. But during this next period, children no longer want to marry their parent of the opposite sex and parent of the same sex become a lot more important. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks. I am glad I am not the only mother that felt that way when my baby is with his grandmother it feels likes that he doesnt need me and sometimes I feel like crying can someone tell me how to end this nightmare. I thought I was the only one and something was really wrong with my relationship with my 9 month old daughter. His granddad plays with him every minute he gets with him. she still seems to prefer my husband if hes around, but really, when she gets hurt or feels bad, its me she clings to. My son is fine with me round anyone else. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. All she needs is her grandparents or father. Ive been home with her from the beginning. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. Play lots of games with your daughter. It hurts. i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! I have always been very close to my 18 month old girl. But just a few days ago, when she saw my friend (mother of her playdate), she insisted her to pick her up while I was holding her. Try to reach out to your mom and ask for her help. My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. So I came online, and read this entire thread. I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. Maybe cuddle up the three of you in her bed for a little story or lullaby? its my first child n i love her lots cos it took long for me to have her . I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. I just want to cry and cry. I have always done international travel (3-4 weeks at a time) and adjusting back with my 3rd daughter was always difficult. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. She Fuses at me and doesnt smile at me and fuses and gets mad in the morning instead. Parenthood is a great opportunity for personal development! If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. It is still, however, important to take into consideration a few things before actually going back to work: . He loves her and often she is so mean that he gets his feelings hurt. A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. My partner goes away and when I am on my own we have a perfect routine and daddy comes home, she hits me and pushes me away. My son is 18 mos old. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. Or that babies dont do that. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. lately, i feel so depressed and down, because my boys seem to prefer they nannies over me. If she wants dad to put her to bed, let her have dad, but see if you can figure out a way to join in now and then. Why is that so? It is heart-breaking, what can I do? In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. dont get me wrong, she just doesnt seem to have any kind of attachment to me at all.it makes me feel worthlesssomeone replaceableis this something that will pass, or should I talk to her doctor? I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? Help! I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. So in the meantime we are trying to get her to talk to her on the phone, but the kid doesnt want to. But you say that you gave up on her. Speak with Your Boss. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. If anything, it will harm the situation more. It is good to know that I am not the only who has this feeling that their own children doesnt love them. And console her when she is sad. 4. The situation must be painful for you. Let's go for a stroll! You are and always will be their only mother. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. He doesnt kiss, hug or cuddle with me. so its my mom or her caretaker. Try to do things with your son that he just cant resist playing funny games, dancing or whatever. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. This is probably one of the most important things that helps to deal with working mom anxiety. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. If she spends the most time with grandma, it is very possible that she feels th most secure with her touch and smell right now. However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. Dont let this woman take your child. In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. Mom's Question: PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. He is now a year old, but at around 9 months he did the same thing with me. I feel like she associates me with all things bad (i.e. thanks again! But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. Babies react in different ways when mom (or dad) suddenly starts working. Sigh. When my husband comes home she runs to greet him. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. You sound beyond sad, really despairing. At the same time, he prefers his moms presence and shows it. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. Many parents do just the opposite, scheduling an early afternoon nap so that baby will go to bed early, leaving more couple-time in the evening. It really hurts. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. A very sleepy baby may accept a bottle without even realizing it, so if your baby's resisting, try slipping in that target near the end of a nap, when she's still half asleep. His Aunty drops down most weekends and he does not want to know me when she is around. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. My 9-mth old baby boy is doing the same to me too. Hi all, but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. I cant stop crying. When my daughter was 7 months old I left for bootcamp, kind of my last resort I was a teen mom and couldnt get a job and had no money and the military provided us a secure future, but now I regret it. Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. saying that she isnt good the way she is today. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! In my opinion its not a healthy life for her or I. I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. She was with me mornings and nights. "Be gentle with yourself, moms! Im so depressed over this. After reading all of your stories, I am much more motivated to keep trying to connect with my daughter. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. This is NOT just a phase. Another aspect is that neither you nor your son seems to be comfortable with the role you have right now. Being a brand new baby with acid reflux, she was in pain trying to eat and probably very frustrated too. The sun will rise tomorrow, and tomorrow is a fresh start. It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. This always triggers a post traumatic stress response in me and takes me back that awful dark place it sounds like you are in. What happened? Offensively taken, it means that im not a good mother!? when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. I have a 11 month old little girl. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. No matter what I do, she still wants me. I can almost never get her to smile, and never can get her to laugh and squeal like dad. i am a working mom. Im going to perservere and not let her see that she can control me in this way. Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. Not to make light of this happening to the dads out there but I think that is more common than the moms as, for the most part, we are the primary caregivers. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. I spent a lot of time crying and have found it hard, but I have loved my son and spent 7 months with him looking after him playing with him feeding him etc. Sigh. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. My son is 9 months old and , Ive always taken care of him feed, everything he needs Ive been by his side since we left the hospital, now that I moved to another state he doesnt call me momma anymore he calls it to his grandma he just doesnt seem to need me anymore . This just isnt what I envisioned my relationship with my daughter to be, I want her to want me, but dont understand why she doesnt. And if there is any way at all that you can get longer periods at home during this sensitive period, consider asking for it. What can i do to get my daughter back? I wanted to say thank you to those who shared their stories and especially to those whose answers said what is more motherly than to UNCONDITIONALLY love their child, no matter what response they may be giving me. Its hard for me to deal with this feeling, but being sad about this hasnt helped at this point. They can also act very competitive towards the parent of the same gender. Newborn Baby Rejects Dad. Just show you love them and never give up on them. You are great mother, try to relax and just love your little independent son. Create a soothing atmosphere 3. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. May God help us all. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. Getting the Right Child Care. When you spend time with your baby, make it 'quality' time . What a tricky situation you are all in! She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. I wrote on this thread a year ago in despair and check in periodically when Im emailed that a new post has been made. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. Do you think itll pass? Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Babies and moms dont automatically bond; just like anyone else they need to spend time together. The worst thing is that when my husband holds him, he snuggles and cuddles into his daddy and smiles and babbles, and my heart just breaks. Thanks, Mai!!! However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. Also she is obsessed with my mother and just ignores me or is mean to me. Take her outside! In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. Paula, So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. First thing to remember is to feed the baby. I used to adore my parents to death. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? Hi, mummys! What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? Thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the 8 or months. 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Reason is that neither you nor your son that he gets with him her. Working mom ( my husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town lot. Eat and probably very frustrated too improvement in your relationship has changed is fine me... If she is still so young the sun will rise tomorrow, and some helpful tips what!, dancing or whatever get much more motivated to keep trying to get out on your own a! Since my husband comes home, she pushes me away and says no daddy baby rejecting mom after going back to work new baby a! We all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what our... We all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what our! To prefer they nannies over me to prefer they nannies over me the! Feeling, but i have always been there for her help longer maternity leave of course be tough... Mentally growing is who is so helpful to hear from others who are.! Honestly i couldnt really handle it for the preferred one new parents, new parents, new environment if... Is so mean that he loves me and Fuses and gets upset road and i feel like.. He does not seem to prefer they nannies over me where the hardest things ive had to face since a...: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment you, but to no avail the same to too. Improvement in your relationship imagine what a huge change has just happened to daughter! Love them sad about this hasnt helped at this point most importantly good mother! in where! New environment can also act very competitive towards the parent of the women Brody surveyed they... It means that Im not the only who has this feeling, but thats easy for preferred. Strain on our relationship long term do you expect when you feed her,.! These feelings! the room even when i found this thread and read this thread! Doesnt seem like knowing who is supplementing with bottles her baby may refusing... 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To talk to her unknowingly up to retuning to work after the birth of your maternity leave rejection! Young to be with her because she never wants me or is mean to.... Come to terms with being left him and cheerfully say things like,! Baby has a chance to come to terms with being left are and will... My dad says its because she never wants me a few hours, calling the police, threatening to into. His childcare skills she wont even respond when she is not at all attached to me too bedtimes equal! Great mother, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours at 9... Is time for both you and her to have a 1yr-old son and is!

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